The Gentle Art: What Jiu-Jitsu Teaches Us About Power, Presence, and Choosing Peace

In this conversation, Dr. Nashay Lowe and Jiu-Jitsu instructor Jeremy Akin explore the deeper philosophy of Jiu-Jitsu, emphasizing its roots in humility, control, and peaceful self-protection. They discuss how Jiu-Jitsu teaches valuable life lessons about conflict resolution, the nature of power, and the importance of community. Jeremy shares personal anecdotes and insights on how the practice fosters emotional discipline, empathy, and personal growth, ultimately revealing that true strength lies in understanding and redirecting energy rather than resorting to aggression.

Key Takeaways

• Real strength lies in staying grounded and composed.
• Jiu-Jitsu emphasizes peaceful self-protection over aggression.
• Strength isn't about domination; winning doesn't require destruction.
• The basis of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is leverage and control.
• Jiu-Jitsu can be trained at high intensity with low injury risk.
• Humility is a key lesson learned through Jiu-Jitsu.
• Training exposes individuals to diverse perspectives and backgrounds.
• The struggle in training fosters gentleness and empathy.
• Submission teaches deeper lessons about power and surrender.
• Overcoming ego is liberating and essential for personal growth.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to the Resolution Room
• 0:43 Understanding Jiu-Jitsu: The Gentle Art
• 1:12 The Philosophy of Control and Power
• 5:26 Lessons of Humility and Problem Solving
• 9:58 Real-Life Applications of Jiu-Jitsu Principles
• 17:25 The Power of Submission and Surrender
• 21:22 Emotional Discipline in Jiu-Jitsu
• 29:33 Finding Control in Tough Times
• 32:52 Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Dr. Shay: 0:01

Welcome back to The Resolution Room, where we turn tension into transformation through clarity, connection, and consistency. I'm your host, Dr. Ne'Shea Lowe, and this is a space where we explore what's really underneath the moments that challenge us and how they can lead to something more honest, more human, and more whole. So let's get into it. We often think about conflict as something loud, aggressive, or dangerous, but jiu-jitsu reminds us that real strength lies in staying grounded, remaining composed under pressure, and choosing response over reaction. In this episode, I sit down with the seasoned jiu-jitsu instructor, Jeremy Atkin, to explore the deeper philosophy behind the quote-unquote gentle art. So far from being a sport of aggression, jiu-jitsu was designed as a method of peaceful self-protection, emphasizing redirection, leverage, and calm over brute force. We will discuss how this martial art reflects broader truth about human conflict, that strength isn't domination, and winning doesn't require destruction. From the mat to everyday life, this conversation reveals how physical practice can mirror emotional wisdom and what it really means to choose peace without abandoning power. So Jeremy, if you could start by introducing yourself and let the people know who you are and what you do.

Jeremy Akin: 1:36

So I'm a jiu-jitsu instructor. I've been training for, I guess, like 25 years in jiu-jitsu. I did other martial arts before that, Muay Thai, kickboxing, judo, Japanese jiu-jitsu. And I run a gym in Nashville, Tennessee, and we've got five locations.

Dr. Shay: 1:57

Where are the locations?

Jeremy Akin: 2:00

We've got downtown Nashville. We've got Hendersonville. Lebanon, Tennessee, Brentwood, Tennessee, and Columbia, Tennessee.

Dr. Shay: 2:07

Amazing. So to start off, jiu-jitsu is often, I think, misunderstood as a combat sport, but its origins are actually rooted in gentleness and control. So can you tell us a little bit about where this discipline came from and the philosophy behind it?

Jeremy Akin: 2:23

Sure. I guess, first of all, before we get into that, I'll just kind of differentiate between Japanese jiu-jitsu, which would be kind of the original form martial art. Then that went to judo. And then from judo, some of the Japanese judoka ended up in Brazil and teaching the Gracie family. And that's where we kind of have, I guess most people call it Brazilian jujitsu now. so the origins of japanese jiu-jitsu um are a little different in the sense that it was from like warring periods in japan so it was basically unarmed combat where it was there was striking like punching kicking um there's throws there was joint locks um and the japanese jiu-jitsu comprises of a lot of different lineages and schools of jiu-jitsu and then Kano created judo. And basically what he did was he took all the striking out and left the throws and the joint locks and chokes and basically the newaza or the ground techniques. And his idea was he wanted to create a martial art for like a modern era of Japan that was more peaceful and something that could be trained, you know, wide open 100% without people risking injury. And then when judo came into Brazil, the Gracie family was a Scottish family. had kind of settled in brazil um they're you know fairly fairly well off and they helped some of the japanese immigrants kind of come in and help them with jobs and all that and in exchange um maeda the judoka taught the gracie family what he knew of judo and his version of judo was part of Kosen Judo and it gets really nerdy from there with the different schools and lineage and all that. The idea of most combative martial arts, there's two types. There's hard styles and soft styles. You have hard styles or punching, kicking, elbows, headbutts, the the top of the violence scale and then you have grappling arts or soft arts where we use mechanical compliance over blunt force trauma and pain compliance so when they say gentle um the character for jew um it's translated to gentle but it means more like pliable or like something that can be malleable and giving and kind of like receiving and taking that kind of thing. Um, and jitsu means techniques or like methods of when you see a martial art with Po like P O or D O, usually there's like a way, like the way of, um, and that would incorporate more like philosophy. And so like judo has a philosophy, you know, attached to it. Whereas jitsu arts like Kenjutsu, jujitsu, all that are mostly the physical side. So, um, that's kind of the, the history of it is like in a, in a very, very short amount of time. Um, the, really the, the basis of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is, you know, the use of takedowns, clenching, closing distance as a way to control someone, eventually getting them to quit, you know? So we use submissions, um, submission could be, they quit cause they can't get out and they're tired. It could be, they know they're, they can't win. So they stop, um, or all the way up to joint locks and choke holds and stuff like that. So that's kind of the gist of it.

Dr. Shay: 5:50

Wow. And so thinking about you being well-versed in different types of martial arts, how does jiu-jitsu define power differently than other forms that you've trained?

Jeremy Akin: 6:02

I think there's the literal technical ways, which is leverage. So fulcrum, lever force is basically what jiu-jitsu is based off of and weight distribution and things like that that are very tangible that can be demonstrated without hurting someone. So if you walk into a karate school or a boxing gym and you're like, I want to see if this works, that's not going to be a fun experience because it's going to hurt. Whereas jiu-jitsu, you can take someone that's never done it before They can come at you as hard as they want to, and you can control them in a way that doesn't hurt them at all. Obviously, they're uncomfortable because they're tired and frustrated. I think when you think of conflict and control and these domination things, how are you going about controlling them matters a lot. Jiu-jitsu can be trained at 100% intensity with very low risk of injury. Um, so I think that's, that's probably the, one of the biggest differentiating factors between jujitsu and most martial arts.

Dr. Shay: 7:07

Yeah. So, I mean, there's something really powerful about a discipline that teaches people how to not react with force first. Right. So, um, you know, I think about when people see karate movies or all these different types of martial arts and they just want to walk into there and say, Hey, teach me how to break a board with my head or something like that. And the instructor's always like, well, first we have to learn patience and discipline, all these things, right? So what lessons does jiu-jitsu offer about conflict off of the mat?

Jeremy Akin: 7:36

I think the first lesson is humility. And it's not a false humility. It's like you get an arrogant guy who's been good at everything his whole life, you know, comes in here as a star athlete, you know, leaves his mansion, kisses his supermodel wife, gets out of his Ferrari, takes off his designer suit, and a 16-year-old kid folds him up. And it's like the humility of that, it changes you, because it's not a theoretical thing. It's like you felt it. And I think because of that, it changes the way you look at conflict in general, because you realize, one, that some of the constructs that maybe you thought were put you ahead in certain situations. Maybe it's not the same. You also, I think you learn because there's so many different demographics in jujitsu. You've got CEOs, you've got 17 year old that works at Chick-fil-A, you've got a mom of three, and you've got all these different people interacting. So you learn to deal with different kinds of people. So your echo chamber is much larger. And you're exposed to ideas that maybe you weren't exposed to. And you lose to those people. And it's like you share this struggle with each other. So I think in a lot of ways, it kind of humbles you. And it makes you realize that maybe even if you think you're right about something or you feel a certain way, you realize there's so many other viewpoints. And you're so close to those people because you train together every day. You respect them to a level that maybe... if you didn't have that, maybe you would never listen to that person's viewpoint. So I think humility is probably the biggest thing, you know? And secondly, I would say, um, jujitsu is physically very uncomfortable. Like when you lose, you know, you've got some 200 pound guy like pinning you down and trying to choke you. Um, but you still have to problem solve in those conditions. And you're at a fatigue level that most people probably haven't experienced when like running fatigue is up to you. How hard, Do you want to stop? Do you want to keep going? Do you want to, you know, you get on the treadmill and you can push yourself, but you always have control of it. But in a five minute round with someone, you're going to hit those moments where you're like, I don't know that I can keep doing this. Meanwhile, you're still having to think technically, you're still having to problem solve and it's like solving very complex problems and puzzles while being focused. frustrated your ego is getting destroyed your your coach is yelling at you to do something you're like i can't do it i'm too tired everyone's watching and you know they're we're all sharing that together so yeah i think the problem solving under stress and then humility would be probably the two biggest things for sure

Dr. Shay: 10:25

i love that i love that and on a side note i have a

Jeremy Akin: 10:30

a

Dr. Shay: 10:30

personal like addiction right now to watching like those YouTube clips of like the bodybuilders who think they're super strong and try to challenge like a jujitsu master. I'm like,

Jeremy Akin: 10:38

yeah,

Dr. Shay: 10:40

it's very satisfying.

Jeremy Akin: 10:42

It is very satisfying for sure.

Dr. Shay: 10:44

So given those sort of lessons you just discussed, problem solving and humility, can you think of a moment when you avoided maybe a real life confrontation because of what you learned through training?

Jeremy Akin: 10:56

Oh, yeah.

Dr. Shay: 10:57

Yeah.

Jeremy Akin: 10:59

So when I was younger, I'm a very intense person, just still. Even as an old guy, I'm still pretty intense. And when I was younger, I was probably a little too intense. And I think early on before jujitsu, I was quick to react, maybe even violently. Because I was kickboxing, and that is pretty violent. That is how you solve problems. So when I came into jujitsu... I didn't realize it was happening, but being humbled that way. And I was 25, so I was a good athlete, you know, and I didn't have the excuses, you know, like, oh, if I was just, you know, younger. So I think there's so many. One I can think of, I was at a restaurant. We were after training and it was like a bar restaurant. And this guy was walking from table to table, kind of totally harassing people. You know, and he was, he'd come over and he came over to our table and was like, oh, why are you, why you got so sweaty? And then we're like, oh, jujitsu. And he's like, oh, you know, is it, you're like rolling around the ground with a bunch of guys and just making a bunch, like whatever, you know? And we're like exhausted. We're like, dude, we're here for some wings and just to relax, like relax, you know? And then I watched him go from table to table harassing people. And then I noticed what he was doing was he was putting his drinks on those tables and So he would come over and act like they was friends and go to the bar. Like, Hey, yeah, just put my, my drink on that time. And you know, we went there a lot. So I knew, you know, I knew the servers and bartenders and everything. And, and then he went over to this one table, um, full, mostly women. And I could see how uncomfortable they were when the guy was kind of rough and he looked like the kind of guy that was there for trouble. So I got frustrated and I was like, well, let me, let me go talk to him. And I saw him going to the bathroom. And I was like, okay, well, this will be a quiet time to talk. And I went in there, and I remember he immediately puffed up. And he's like, man, I don't care. I've had my butt whooped before. And I'm like, all right. And we go to this whole thing. And I remember I felt so sorry for him. I wasn't even angry. And I remember I grabbed him and turned him around. I was like, we're both standing in front of the mirror. And I was like, it's going to be okay. And he starts crying. I mean, he just loses it. And he's like, man, I just moved here from Florida. I don't know anybody. I'm just really drunk. This is not who I am. And I was like, it's okay, man. So I gave him a hug and we walked out. The manager's like, you got to go. And I was like, hang on. He wants to say something. He's like, I'm so sorry. And so then he goes, I walked into every table and he apologized and all that stuff. But my instinct was to go back. grab this dude and get him out of there. But I think because I felt so little threat from him physically that I didn't, there was no primitive kind of old brain telling me to fight. There was just like this, the modern brain trying to problem solve and realizing this guy was harmless. And it was, it was one of those things. I tell that story a lot because 10 years ago, that probably would have gone differently. It could have easily, and I could have probably justified that to myself that Oh, it's protecting people. But I think it's moments like that where I feel pity when people are that upset now. I feel bad for them, even if it's at me, even if they hate me. And like I said earlier, the physical gentle is the mechanical compliance. I'd say the philosophical gentle part of jujitsu is you know what actual fighting feels like and you know how bad it hurts and you know the realities of it. And you also know that it can be decided in a moment. Even as a black belt, I could slip and fall and hit my head on the curb. So because of all of that, the last thing you ever want to do is really fight. So it creates this internal... It heightens your empathy. And it's like you realize that they're angry, but that's just an insecurity. It's a fear that they're experiencing. And I think if you're also insecure... it's hard to, it's hard to even realize that they're just acting out like a kid would, you know? So I think that's, that's probably the thing. And the downside is you only get that through like actual hard training. Okay. You know, and, and jujitsu has taken this turn recently where there's like corporate jujitsu models that have become very not hard and they're selling belts and it's kind of becoming commercial. It, So the downside is those people will probably never get that gentle part because it's been watered down to a point where they're not going to experience the struggle that actually makes you gentle. And of course, that's a whole other business talk.

Dr. Shay: 16:10

I love the struggle that makes you gentle. I love that. And so a lot of what you're talking about, too, You know, this is not just a male centered thing, of course, but I know ego plays a lot into, you know, fighting in general, how people interact. And so I'm thinking about like, you know, jujitsu brings people face to face with the ground, like literally. I'm wondering what you've seen, like a story of like a student or maybe someone's like evolution from like starting training with you until over time, you've just seen this transformation in them.

Jeremy Akin: 16:47

Yeah, a lot. I mean, honestly, all, all of the people that make it to, you know, purple, brown and black belt, it's in, it's crazy. You'll see, you'll see guys that come in. Like I said, that everything has been there. Every, they check all the lists, like they're raised in the right economic situation. They had everything. And then most of the time they come in, they experienced struggle and they quit. Right. But the people who stay are, watching how they evolve and we and we do a thing with our gyms where when someone gets promoted a purple brown or black belt they give a speech and the speech is answering three questions one is why jujitsu like why did i get into it right um two is what have i learned about myself and then three is like what advice would i give my white belt self like if i could go back in time And those three questions have, I mean, there's been some really like emotional, I just break down speeches. It's been amazing. But you see people on two ends, like one, the guy comes in with an ego and then gets humbled and becomes a better person. And then you see people with like no confidence at all who interact in any situation. So I think it's, if you do it and you're willing to struggle, it'll give you what you need, you know, regardless of what that is.

Dr. Shay: 18:11

That's amazing. And I'm going to say the bad word in the room, the S word, submission. So how does being submitted or submitting teach something deeper about power and surrender?

Jeremy Akin: 18:28

So I think in a couple of ways. One, like if somebody, like when I kickboxed and someone knocks you out, you didn't really quit. like they just hit a button when you're out and you wake up and most of the time you don't even know you're knocked out you're like i'm fine like stumbling around you know and so you didn't really admit that you lost and a lot of a lot of things it's like in basketball like oh well if you'd have passed me the ball we'd have won the in team sports there's always this out oh well it's the coach it's my teammate or whatever but in in jiu-jitsu and wrestling and i want to include wrestling with jiu-jitsu because it doesn't get talked about a lot as a martial art, as a sport, but it instills a lot of the same things. And I think it's probably even harder than jujitsu at a high level. Like college wrestlers go through some, some like true show. It's a rough sport, but it's the same thing. It's, it's you and it's, you get up there, you compete. And if you lose, it's on you and there's no teammate to blame. It's your preparation, your execution. Um, So I think that's, that's something that like builds, build the confidence in yourself. When you get submitted, it's like this realization that you weren't enough in that moment. And it's, you try as hard as you can. And in so many other things you lose, it's because someone else, like I didn't get a raise because so-and-so it's like, in reality is a lot of times you just maybe didn't deserve it. Maybe you just didn't work that hard. You know what I mean? Like my wife's a lawyer and she, She's a partner and I see the amount of work she does. And people are like, man, I'd do anything for that money. I'm like, man, you could not survive her week.

Dr. Shay: 20:14

You

Jeremy Akin: 20:14

know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. You want to see work, go watch her, you know. But it's the same thing with like when you're in a sport and a submission is like this moment where you're basically telling them that you can't possibly win, that you are done. It's checkmate. It's the end of it, you know. And I think a lot of times people think of submission as the actual submission hold, like an arm lock or a choke, but it's really not. It's you are basically asking them to stop because they have bested you. And that's like a humbling thing, especially if you don't maybe like them, or maybe once again, maybe in everywhere else in life, you're up here and they're down here and it's, it's tough, you know, but I think it's, I was talking to, uh, one of the younger guys that's trains here. And I think in so many areas of life, you, you have to submit to something in order to get over yourself, like whether it's, whether it's faith, whether it's love or whatever it is. And I think people that are refused to do that, that's like the ultimate expression of ego. So, yeah, I mean, I think submission can sound scary, you know, like your choke holds stuff, but yeah, I mean, I've gotten hurt worse playing basketball, you know, rolling my ankle in basketball hurts worse and all that. So, you know, I think it sounds more like jujitsu seems more violent. Like, oh my God, someone's going to choke you, but they're not really, they're like, they're doing it, but they're also wanting you to quit. They're like, man, come on, just tap. Like there's a culture in jujitsu where you get mad if people actually don't tap. It's like, come on, man, you're done here. And then if they make you put more force on it, it just feels weird. And wrestling doesn't have submissions. So I think the biggest difference between jiu-jitsu and wrestling would be that. But, I mean, very similar paths where it's like face your own ego.

Dr. Shay: 22:14

Yeah, wow. And so what do you wish more people understood about the mindset behind the sport?

Jeremy Akin: 22:23

Yeah. I wish more people understood how fragile their egos really are. You know, I wish people understood that one of the most freeing, liberating things in the world is getting over that, you know, and we spend so much of our time hiding from it, you know, it's like, and we all do. I mean, you know, it's, I mean, I did for years, even in jujitsu. I mean, it took me years to break. I mean, I was stubborn. But yeah, I mean, it's, like I said, you have to give in at some point and realize you don't know everything, you know. And I think that's one thing I wish people knew about themselves so they would search something out, whether it's jujitsu or not. As far as things to know about jujitsu, probably some of the best friends you'll ever have in your life come from that. And it's really, it sounds, and maybe, maybe we cut this out. I don't know how this is going to sound, but there's a, there's a little bit of trauma bonding that happens because you're, you are going through some really, really hard times together. You're, I mean, you're, you're losing, you're, you're hitting your complete fatigue. You're trying as hard as you can. And that other person is just better than you. You come back the next day and face that. There's a lot of, a lot of long, quiet rides home after training, you know? Yeah. And then you show back up. And I think the bonds you build through seeing that resilience in each other. And it's like, as much as I love my friends, I still want to beat them. And that's okay. I mean, it's like, because if I win, I'm going to be happy. If they win, after a while, I'll be happy for them too. But I feel like a lot of, you know, there's a bit of a zero sum in the moment. But afterwards, there's like a sense of like, you're happy for your friends, even if it's at your expense. And I think the bonds and the relationships are incredible. Every friend I've got at this point in my life came from jujitsu other than my wife.

Dr. Shay: 24:29

Wow. Has she done any training?

Jeremy Akin: 24:33

We train privately. She's a bit of a germaphobe. So she's like, oh my God, there's people's feet.

Dr. Shay: 24:43

Honestly, that is... That is so funny. That's kind of my reservation too. So many times I thought about it. I was like, oh, I might want to try a class, but like, I don't want everyone touching me. I

Jeremy Akin: 24:55

get it. It's really weird. You know how like, if you ever go to a place and it smells but then an hour later you can't smell it anymore it's kind of like that it's like at first you're like oh god but then after a while you're like all sweaty and you just forget about it but if you walk in in the middle of it it's disgusting

Dr. Shay: 25:14

oh my

Jeremy Akin: 25:15

god

Dr. Shay: 25:18

okay so um from what i've been learning about the sport um one of my favorite lessons from jujitsu is that just because you can win with force doesn't mean you should so that principle alone feels like a metaphor for leadership relationships and just daily life so how do you help your students um develop restraint and wisdom alongside the skill because i assume there's just some people who again just want to come in and learn how to do the technical skill so how do you how do you do that

Jeremy Akin: 25:48

um that's where the community is is really important like there's women that train i mean one of my main athletes i work with is a 140 pounds, 22, 23 year old, you know, female and I'm 190 pounds. So it's like, if you can't train with someone smaller than you, someone that maybe it's not physically as strong or whatever, then that's pure, pure ego. Oh, it's like, oh, I can win. So I'm going to, and you know, I think a lot of it is just, there's moments where like a new person comes in and they're you want another training partner. You want more people in your group of friends because you know how positive it is for you. So you want them to come in and enjoy it. So when you're training with them, you let them have success and you like kind of encourage them. And through doing that, you are kind of, you're flexing that muscle of like, even though you absolutely can control that or win that game or whatever we're doing at the time, You're understanding there's maybe a greater good in there where you're like, maybe this person needs this win. You learn to almost ease people in, and everyone does. If the grossness wasn't involved, if you started training, and in a year after you've done that and somebody walks in the door, you're going to remember what it felt like. And you're going to want them to stay and you're going to make it a little easier on them. And so I think a lot of, maybe that's one of the misconceptions is that people are going to walk in and then everyone's going to try to beat them up. And really, I mean, jujitsu kind of, there's like a joke where jujitsu is kind of like a cult. I mean, you can't have culture without cult, right? But it's like... It is in a way like this group that wants to grow because you understand how powerful it is. So you know that if you just throttle someone that walks through the door, they're going to quit. And everyone knows that. And there's also like a self-regulating filtering system in jujitsu where people that don't get that don't last. Whether it's maybe everyone sees that, so the people that are bigger and stronger than them maybe let them feel what it feels like, or whether it's just one of those talks where, I mean, I've, I've asked people to leave my gym many times over the years. So they just don't really understand what the point of it is, you know? And, and that's fine. And there's, there's a team in jujitsu that their marketing slogan is jujitsu is for everyone. And it's not, it's really not. I mean, it's not easy. It's, it's not fun. If you, if you don't like to struggle, it's not fun. Um, but the people that it is for are maybe not the people you'd think. So I think it's, it's like anything. It's hard. I mean, it's, I guess in theory, everyone can do it, but it's not gonna, gonna be the right path for everyone.

Dr. Shay: 28:51

So building on that, cause you brought up an interesting point that it's not for everyone. You've had to even ask people to leave. So what is like emotional discipline look like in your studio?

Jeremy Akin: 29:02

I think it, Usually the way the way when I'm watching people interact, you know, I'm looking for for empathy. You know, I'm looking for how do they treat the people on their team? You know, then when I get into the micro, it's like, how do they handle loss? You know, how do they handle struggle? Because a lot of people and it's normal early on to like, make excuses. That's the first thing everyone does. Man, I'm so tired. I'm so out of shape. I got to get back in shape. It's like, that's not why you lost, but that's fine. You know? But you know, so I'm emotional growth in jujitsu is typically like when someone loses and it's like, man, I've got to figure out how to solve that problem better. And that's, but that also scales everywhere. You know what I mean? It's like you're at home and you and your significant other arguing and Maybe, maybe you share that responsibility and this is like a problem to overcome. It's not this emotional, it's not a battle. We're not trying to be right. It's like, how do you solve the problem? So, you know, I think when I see my students or my training partners be able to step back and problem solve, even no matter how much invested effort there is in that moment. You know, I think that's, that's one of the things I'm looking for as a professor is that, And there's always, I mean, there's going to be frustration. There's going to be like people who get mad and there's going to be little hiccups where people will just like, you know, slap the mat. And then I'll talk to him and be like, you got to relax, man. You know, it's like, it's not that serious. You know, your kids still love you. Just relax. It's not that big a deal, you know? But yeah.

Dr. Shay: 30:46

That's funny. Okay. So gosh, this has been an amazing conversation. For someone listening who's in a tough season, who feels like every interaction in any aspect of their life is a power struggle, what wisdom from jiu-jitsu would you offer them?

Jeremy Akin: 31:04

I think if you feel like you don't have power or control in your own life, maybe not control, but if you don't have a say in your own life, I think you start internal and you start with the way you're looking at problems. When I was... In my mid-20s, I was going through a really tough time. I was moving. I had a young baby. My life, I'd failed at everything. I remember I grew up doing a lot of visual art. That was my thing when I was a kid. I was looking at this color and I was like, man, this is the cheesiest story. But it's like, there's this flower outside my window and I was in a pretty dark depression at the time. And it was like bright red. And I remember thinking like, I wonder what that red looks like to other people, right? Because colors is really just your interpretation of a texture, right? So, and then I was like, man, what an odd thing that we agree this is red, but we all see it differently, right? So that kind of, I started scaling that to everything. So I I realized that like my perception of what was happening to me was where my control of my, my life was. So my dad was always like really big on, you know, you make your mind up to be happy or not, but it's up to you. Like you can be happy in bad situations or miserable and good ones, you know? So I think like when I came into Juvia too, I kind of had that mindset already of I it's up to me how I perceive the stimulus. It's not the stimulus itself. Maybe it's not the problem always. Right. Um, And then I think the confidence of jujitsu is what allows you to kind of like be like, okay, maybe I suck at this. I don't have to be good at everything, right? Like I play guitar. I'm not a very good guitar player and I've been playing since I was 11 and that's okay. You know what I mean? And I think the more confidence you get it, It anything like it, you know, like in your career, the more you, you know, gain skill and knowledge and more confidence you get in that. And that bleeds over, I'm sure to everything you do. And so I think going through a tough season, it's like find something that you can actually affect, you know, which is your perception for me anyway, and work on it. And so I chose to make decisions to, you know, be as healthy as I could be as fit as I can. be like, when I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. That kind of thing. All those are like martial arts. Those are kind of the tenants of martial arts, like be a good human kind of thing. But, and with somebody, it doesn't have the vehicle for that. I think jujitsu is an excellent one. I mean, there's, there's tons of them, right? I'm not seeing friends join CrossFit gyms and find that same thing. So yeah, but I think for something to bring you out of that, it has to show you the truth of your, you have to see your own truth. You have to see that you are flawed too. And I think there's, it's, there's no way to have a victim mindset in Jiu Jitsu and then stay in it. Cause that mindset will, will make you leave, you know? And so, yeah, I think for, for Jiu Jitsu, that's always, you know, that's my vehicle. So I always encourage people to do that, but like I said, it's not for everyone. Um, But yeah, I don't know if that answers the question.

Dr. Shay: 34:30

Absolutely. Absolutely. So before I let you go, Jeremy, can you let the audience know how to follow you and your work? If you have any socials, website, your studio name again? Yeah.

Jeremy Akin: 34:42

So the name of our gems and our association is Perfectus. It's Latin for progress or advancement. We've got... We've got a shop. So perfectus.shop where we sell gear. We've got perfectushq.com is where all the gym websites are. And, you know, we do like free drop-ins if anybody's curious about jujitsu and they want to experience it, come in. You can watch as many classes as you want. You can jump in and try it out, you know? Yeah. I

Dr. Shay: 35:14

love

Jeremy Akin: 35:15

it.

Dr. Shay: 35:16

Well, I want to thank you so much for your time. As we wrap up today's conversation, I hope you're walking away with a new perspective on conflict, not just as something to win or avoid, but as something to engage with differently. Jiu-Jitsu teaches us that strength isn't always about force. It's about understanding energy, using leverage, and staying grounded when things get tense. The same is true in our relationships at work and within ourselves. When we stop meeting resistance with more resistance, we create space for solutions that that don't escalate, but evolve. Whether it's a disagreement with a colleague, a tense family moment, or even an internal struggle, we can ask, how can I redirect this energy instead of pushing back? Where can I stay flexible without losing my footing? And that's the quiet power of jujitsu. And it reminds us that sometimes the most effective way to resolve conflict is not to fight harder, but to move smarter. As always, thank you for joining me today in the Resolution Room. I'm grateful you're here doing this work alongside me. If this episode spoke to you, I'd love for you to please share. And until next time, keep building in the quiet because that's what will carry you forward.