Aligned Ambition: Transforming Your Career from the Inside Out

Summary

In this conversation, Dr. Nashay Lowe and career coach Deana Chukwuemeka explore the deeper aspects of career development beyond just job titles. They discuss the importance of self-discovery, clarity, and alignment in one's career path. The conversation delves into the challenges of ambition, the significance of overcoming fear and imposter syndrome, and the necessity of asking for more in professional settings. Through personal anecdotes and coaching insights, they highlight the transformative journey individuals can undertake to align their careers with their true selves.

Key Takeaways

• It's about who you are becoming through the work.
• Clarity requires a level of pause and reflection.
• Ambition can feel empty without purpose.
• Detours in careers can be neutral; it's how we define them.
• Fear activates the brain's threat center, influencing decisions.
• We often over function and under advocate for ourselves.
• Transformation is a process, not an overnight change.
• Tracking growth is essential for recognizing progress.
• Asking for more is crucial for career advancement.
• You have the answers for you in this season of life.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Journey of Self-Discovery in Careers
• 2:38 Understanding Clarity and Coaching
• 5:09 Ambition vs. Aligned Ambition
• 6:51 Navigating Career Detours
• 8:44 Overcoming Fear and Imposter Syndrome
• 10:44 Asking for More
• 12:49 Transformational Stories and Personal Growth

Transcript

Dr. Shay: 0:01

Welcome back to The Resolution Room, where we turn tension into transformation through clarity, connection, and consistency. I'm your host, Dr. Nashay Lowe, and this is a space where we explore what's really underneath the moments that challenge us and how they can lead to something more honest, more human, and more whole. So let's get into it. Today's conversation is about more than just jobs or promotions. It's about who you are becoming through the work that you do. I'm joined by Deana Chukwuemeka, a career coach who helps people get clear, confident, and aligned in their professional lives, not by just chasing titles, but by reconnecting with themselves. We'll explore how ambition can feel empty when it's not grounded in purpose, why so many of us second-guess our own instincts, and how learning to ask for more is often the first step towards real transformation. Whether you're mid-career, just starting out, or somewhere in between, this episode is a reminder that your path doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be yours. Deana, can you please introduce yourself to the people?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 1:23

Thank you so much, Dr. Lowe. I'm Deana Chukwuemeka. I am a career coach. I'm also a project manager. I'm a mom of three. I'm a wife, and I am committed to helping professionals really get beyond the waiting to be picked, like owning their careers for themselves. And my work really centers around helping people align their career goals with what they actually need, where they actually are in the season that they are. So they're not living a career that they're pressured to be. So I'm so excited to talk with Dr. Lo and get into this because this is something I'm very, very beyond passionate, very, very committed to working with people in this space.

Dr. Shay: 2:10

Amazing. Thank you. So you help people align their vision with their strengths. Why is that clarity so hard to find on your own?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 2:20

Because we're literally in it. When you're in something, when you're living it, when you're going through the hard moments, I think a lot of times it's just hard to zoom out, right? All of us are operating literally from the default, whether we realize it or not, we're operating from what we've been told, what we've been taught. And so we're responding to others' expectations. Our brains are trying to protect us, so we're chasing safety. We're literally always trying to prove something, even subconsciously. And so clarity for me requires a level of pause, a level of slowing down. And that's what coaching for me does. I've been coached for probably more than half of my life, and then I coach people. I think having a coach helps you step back, get honest, and I would say reconnect with, if you're honest with yourself, reconnect with the voice that is really yours.

Dr. Shay: 3:12

And I love how you bring up if you're honest with yourself because I think sometimes the gap with coaching is people just are waiting for someone just to give you the answers.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 3:19

Yeah.

Dr. Shay: 3:20

Actually, explain a little bit about what coaching means.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 3:23

Okay. You know, everyone has in this space of the way we use social media, I would say coaching, consulting, mentoring, they all have different definitions. I always say my job as a coach is literally to help you move forward. So when people start bringing up things of past and things they're dealing with, because it's always there, I'm always like, this may be a thing you need to work with a therapist on because there's some things you need to work on from there. Now, what I can do is literally help you move forward into that thing you're wanting to get into. And so there's different levels to coaching, but that is what I see myself as, helping you move forward.

Dr. Shay: 4:01

And can you talk a little bit about how you guide someone to trust themselves in such an unsure process in their lives?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 4:08

Yeah, a few things I have here. I would say one is getting into curiosity and out of judgment. So a lot of times we're judging ourselves and it all starts with self-awareness. Yes, it's a word people use. People think they know what it means, but Self-awareness for me is what's the story that you've been telling yourself? And then we basically reframe that story. I'm not handing out answers. You know, you said that sometimes people expect coaches to hand out answers. I cannot give you the answers that you need, but I can help you, I would say, excavate the ones that are inside you. Like you have the answers for you in this season. And confidence for me is built when, I mean, you already know. You already know and looking at what do you know and then literally saying, taking the forward action because confidence is built through moving forward. And then I would say a lot of times is helping people rebuild trust with their voice. A lot of times people don't know their voice. their inner voice. So I've been doing a lot of research on some neuroscience and just like looking at how do people move from a place of not just reflecting, but acting and acting with alignment. And the way that our brains are literally wired is patterns. And so when we start making those small steps, you're talking about how do we help people trust themselves again? It's in the small steps. It's in the small decisions that they have to make. Their confidence grows emotionally and but also neurologically when they're able to literally step into that consistently.

Dr. Shay: 5:34

Consistency, that's the key. I was waiting for that word. I was like...

Deana Chukwuemeka: 5:38

You said that it was coming.

Dr. Shay: 5:40

Exactly. And you brought up alignment, which is really important. So can you talk to me a little bit about the difference between just ambition in its own and aligned ambition?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 5:49

Ambition for me is... Chasing the next best thing. And I don't think there's anything wrong with ambition. I work with lots of ambitious people. I, myself, am very ambitious. I'm futuristic. I'm always looking for what can I do next? How can I grow? So that's ambition. But I think aligned ambition... has more to do with something that you're building with the season that you're in. And I've come to learn that through my own life. So ambition is like, I'm just chasing, chasing, chasing. I have my own goal. Whatever I had even five years ago, I'm still chasing this path. But being aligned is more about purpose. And so you're not just saying, can I do this? Because the answer may be yes. But for me, it's, should I do this? In this season, should I be doing this? Does this fit my life today? Does it align with my values? So can I? Great. But should I? I think is the better question.

Dr. Shay: 6:36

As you were talking, this kind of came to my mind. Do you see a difference between passion and purpose? Are those one in the same or do you kind of like someone's really passionate about something, but maybe it actually isn't their purpose? Yeah.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 6:51

Yeah. So I'm a big, what is the word mean person? I like defining words. Even as I coach, I'm always asking people, what does success mean for you? What does family mean for you? What does promotion mean for you? So passion, I'm just looked it up now. Passion is an intense feeling or enthusiasm for something, often a personal enjoyment. Purpose is defined as a deeper reason or goal that motivates an individual. So while passion is like an inward focused thing, I think purpose is outward. Purpose is for serving others and passion is kind of like for my well-being. That's how I distinguish it. You need both. Right. But I think. And we've overused the word passion so much that people don't, they don't trust that word anymore or they see that it's a bad thing to have passion. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but you can't be passionate about your job every single day. So I think you do need both, but there is a difference.

Dr. Shay: 7:46

Interesting. I think even the things that you're passionate about, you're not going to wake up with that same enthusiasm every day. No,

Deana Chukwuemeka: 7:54

we're human. So, I mean, I think it's unrealistic to think just because you're passionate about it, you're going to always be excited about it.

Dr. Shay: 8:02

Right. And so thinking about, you know, again, for ambitious people, um, You usually have a plan in place. You know, you're chasing goals A, B, C, sometimes all the way up to Z. So when we think about detours in those plans, what do those look like in a career and what causes them?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 8:21

Yeah, I think sometimes before the detour happens, I think what is happening is a lot of burnout. A lot of times with my clients is they're burnt out or they're feeling disconnected or they're staying in roles that just don't fit them anymore. And I think this happens when, again, you may be moving in the direction you wanted to, but it might be outdated. And so we stop kind of listening to ourselves, checking in with ourselves. And then I think the fear gets a little bit loud. And then you kind of forget what was the vision for this thing? Why did I start this thing? And so it's kind of a level of survival mode I think people get into. And I think that's where it's like people start looking like, oh, no, I have to detour. Now I have to change something, right? And The danger to me isn't necessarily the detour. It's that you're staying in that detour or you're staying lost in it too long when you can literally just shift out of it.

Dr. Shay: 9:15

And I guess when you're navigating someone going through obviously a big career change, there's going to be changes along the way. And I guess how do you help someone determine whether it's a detour as in like it's fear-based versus a sort of needed detour to get to where they really want to be?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 9:33

Well, I will say that a book that I love that helped me even reframe a lot of this, Marshawn Evans Daniels has a book called Believe Bigger. And she talks a lot about disruption and the way we see what disruption is, pain, right? When things happen, they don't go our way. Like, what does that really mean for our lives? And so for me, the detour is neutral, right? There's no attachment to it. Whatever we use to define that detour, if it's negative or positive, is what determines what you do with it. Because I'm also not in the camp of saying, I don't know, maybe you've heard that quote, the person who's wandering, it doesn't mean they're lost necessarily. There's nothing wrong to wander and nothing wrong to say, I'm taking some time to just explore. So I don't want to box people's detours and to say it's only negative, but I will say that it's Kind of like your car, it's kind of an indicator that something may need to change. I

Dr. Shay: 10:29

love that. Thinking about, we talked a little bit about fear coming up in the middle of the journey. So how do things like fear, imposter syndrome, or people pleasing show up in career decisions?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 10:41

That's literally the work. Before we get to any of the strategy things and the things that people can do consistently and how do we measure that, it's really this internal narrative that we're working on day in and day out, literally. Fear activates the mandula oblongata, and that's literally like the brain's threat center. We're human, so fight and flight is natural to our bodies, to our system. It's the way we start making decisions like how to protect myself. Whenever someone is dealing with that fear and imposter syndrome and it's internal, it can come through kind of like people pleasing. I would say there's often strategies or coping strategies that people use do day in and day out, whether they know it or not, to literally protect themselves from that perceived rejection. I think what a lot of good coaches do is help you quiet that fear so that you can literally hear the truth again. So when I work with a client and they're like, someone's told me that I'm too quiet to be a leader. First of all, what is the definition of a leader? And what examples of leaders have you seen? Is it only extroverted? So I've given someone that exercise, like find leaders who are in different spaces that carry a leadership personality that is unlike what you see or unlike the ones that get promoted. The Steve Jobs, the, you know, we can name, but even the Oprahs, right? They have a certain personality and they often get shown that this is leadership. And so I challenge, I'm like, look for leaders who do not have that personality, right? Because we have to start quieting that voice of fear or only like the things that you're seeing so you can actually see what is true and the thing that you're working on.

Dr. Shay: 12:21

I love that. And, you know, the conversation on leadership can be its own episode. Yeah, I have a lot of opinions about that. But again, it's not just a title, it's a way of showing up. And so I like how you recommend people finding maybe even leaders that look more like your personality style or whatever that is, and figuring out what leadership looks like in specific spaces. I think that's really key. It's not one type of leader, right?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 12:46

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

Dr. Shay: 12:48

Yeah. Yeah. So can you share some first steps that you'd recommend when someone realizes that they drifted from their own vision?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 12:55

Yes. I literally, I use this framework and repeat rinse and repeat different ways is pause. I literally just pause. Don't rush to. Yeah. Don't rush to fix it. Start with reflection. I know it seems like when you're stopping to reflect or you're stopping to journal or you're stopping to think and to process and ask the same questions, I know it literally feels like, what am I doing? I'm not making movement. I say start there because the world we live in is very fast. And so a lot of times people are taking in so much information. We're consumers of a lot of knowledge. We have social media, we have podcasts, we have things we're reading. And I often ask people, how many times is your thought, your original thought? Because it's like, you're always taking in stuff and then you're responding from there. So just taking a moment to pause and ask, what was I hoping this season would give me? Or what was I thinking this season would be like? Or what do I feel like I'm losing in this season? So maybe what feels heavy in the detour is it's, getting you to the point of what is true for now. And I would say that sometimes this shift isn't about leaving everything behind. It's literally just adjusting the lens in which we see it and then realigning our next steps so we can actually step into where it is that we want to go.

Dr. Shay: 14:19

Absolutely. And I love that you talked about the sense of urgency that we feel every day, right? Everything is really quick. Everything is a seven-day or 30-day challenge of transforming your life. And that's just not how it works.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 14:33

It's not. And as someone who uses social media and I've studied marketing, I probably was the student that people are like, why are you always asking questions? I get what they're doing with some of that, but it's like, if we're going to say, let's do a seven-day challenge or a 21-day challenge or a 100-day challenge, let's be honest about what is happening there. Now, I totally believe in transformation, just like you said, but it's not overnight. And I often use the caterpillar to the butterfly. It's just, to me, the most beautiful one because it's like the caterpillar is not, you would never expect it to be a butterfly. But transformation does start when you start something. Seven days can help you spark or be a catalyst to your transformation, but it's literally just a spark and you have to keep that spark going long enough for it to truly be what you would call transformation.

Dr. Shay: 15:23

So for someone who's already kind of gone through this transformation process, and now let's just say they're at their sort of dream job, what keeps people from asking for more? Whether they're building that job up themselves, or they started a new position, but maybe they had to start off lower level, they have to go up. They've been at this company for five years or six years, and they're ready for that next step. But we always kind of get in our own way of going to that next level. So how do you coach them through that discomfort?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 15:53

Yeah, I will start. Let me start here. I think a lot of us were taught that asking makes us difficult, like we're difficult people because we're asking, or that if something was for us, it would just come. It would be easy, right? So I think there's this idea of because it's not easy, it's not for me. So I think we over-function and then we under-advocate. We're literally busy, busy, busy, but we're not advocating for ourselves. And so I really trying my best when I'm working with the clients to shift from the, what if they say no to what if they say yes, because I finally asked, because you asked. And so we go through this whole negotiation piece of, I mean, I work with so many HR professionals behind the scenes to understand what does negotiation look like? Do they expect people to negotiate? And the answer is always yes, because there's budget. And when you don't negotiate, you're literally setting yourself up to be underpaid for for as long as you stay in the company. Because when you come into the company, you can negotiate to the place where perceived value, all of those things, you're setting yourself up to make more in the future. Now, I will also say that neuroscience, as much as I've been reading about it, backs this up very easily because rejection and social disapproval kind of activate the same thing in our bodies as physical pain. So we tend to avoid it. So once we start reframing the ask as neutral and even a part of growth, like you need to be able to ask if you're going to grow, then that's when for me we start to desensitize that fear response to asking.

Dr. Shay: 17:29

And from doing that in your work, can you share like a story where someone shifted how they saw themselves and what happened after that transformation?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 17:39

Yeah, so I'll start off first with something we talked about a little bit earlier about transformation. The thing with transformation is that you need time, you need time to actually see it. And when I think about this client, she's one of my first clients that I worked with when I became official. She's always been supportive of me and she paid, like she paid, we're friends, but she paid for my coaching. I would say a lot of early wins when we started what I call transformationism, what happened over the year or two years that we really worked together. And so one of the things that she started off with was questioning her leadership styles. And so she often wondered, you know, got feedback about being too quiet or not showing up in a certain way. Someone who, similar to me, came to the U.S. when we were young. And so you're navigating different spaces. And so she was kind of waiting for someone to validate her leadership. And so we had to do a lot of reframing around her impact and really how she owned it out loud. And owning it out loud for me is... how she asked for more, how she showed up in meetings. It wasn't just an external shift. It was really internal. So I'm doing this, but what is the impact to the team? What's the impact to the company and really her overall presence? How do I show up in meetings? Do I look like I'm timid or am I showing up with the authority that I know that I have? And so when we worked through all of that and she was able to ask for more little by little, like practicing asking for more in meetings than in one-on-ones with her manager, then, um, in a company review, like, you know, year end review, asking for more incrementally, she was able to really those first three months we worked together, she got her first quarterly bonus and not just the bonus, but someone nominated her for like an excellent employee award based off of her work. And so it, all of those little things that we're doing, we weren't looking for that result, but because of that, those results naturally came. And so for me, of The transformation is more than external. It's more than the raise. It's more than the promotion. For me, it's about the confidence and the peace that she had within herself. And for me, that was the real win, truly.

Dr. Shay: 19:45

That's beautiful. And I love the part that you emphasize about the increment stages of transformation. I think, again, we live in a fast-paced society where everybody wants everything now. They want it overnight. They want it yesterday. And part of transformation is It is a slow process, you know, that's the key there. It is a process. And so how do you help your clients realize that it takes time and when it's done right, it's not rushed and what that really looks like for them to go through each step of it behind the scenes. And I do want to add to something I see on social media a lot. Transformation looks noisy to me now. Everyone's like, you know, it's so easy no matter how accomplished you are to go online and see everyone else's credentials and accolades and all these followers and all of this. And you're just like, what am I doing wrong? But the reality is you're not seeing all of the quiet pieces that got to that point, right? So how do you guide them through that part of the transformation? Oh,

Deana Chukwuemeka: 20:45

that in itself is a, literally so much can be broken down from there. Maybe I can start from what you said about transformation is noisy. Like that just hit me, honestly. And, you know, bear with me because I'm thinking on the spot here for sure. I think we know it in our head, but we don't know it in our heart is that transformation is not always graceful. It's messy, it's loud, and it's full of friction. So when you said it's noisy, for me, that was like in the best of ways. But I'm getting to the other side about the social media thing. And this is how I see it is like the reason why transformation is noisy is because you're literally... telling your brain to shift. You're telling it to do something totally different, right? You know, we've been talking a lot about the neuroscience thing and how I've been geeking out on that, but you are forming new patterns. And so whether you're setting new boundaries, you're choosing rest, you're walking away from things that no longer fit, your brain's default mode, you're disrupting that, like literally, right? And that is uncomfortable. It creates a The neutral pathway is being challenged, like the neutral way you always do things, your default, your status quo is being challenged. And so when your system or your body, your mind, your belief, all of those, it's trying to hold on to what feels familiar, even when it's not working anymore. I think that's where the noise comes from. Like it feels noisy. It feels disorienting. What I always tell my clients is it doesn't mean you're off track because it feels hard now. It doesn't mean you're off track because you're not seeing the results you think you should be seeing externally. It doesn't even mean you're off track just because you don't feel like you're growing. It's just a reminder that you're in motion and that the motion itself, the work itself is that the work is working. Now, what you're talking about on social media with the noise of transformation and I would say the over emphasis on The change outside of the process or the overemphasis on the result versus the process, I think is what we see. People are selling a end result. And I get it because I also studied marketing, right? Like I get it. You're selling the result. You're selling the promotion. You're selling the, what is the end? But very few people are being very honest about the process that it takes. And if we're honest and if we're truthful about anything that we do, I'm always on this thing of like, it takes 10 years to have true success. Or some people like the 10,000 hours rule or whatever it is. Mastery takes time. Anything you're working on takes time, but that's why the destination is not the goal. That's what I work on with my clients. The process and the growth is the goal. So if you're measuring your growth and it's not tied to a definite destination, then transformation, the noise, the discomfort, it feels a The thing with social media is just, it is what it is. And I always tell people, control your controllables. If you are being distracted by what's on social media, you need to change what's visible to you. You don't have to follow everybody. You don't need to engage with everything. You can literally... curate what you see and don't see. So I always encourage people like avoid the explore area if that doesn't help you, right? Like make sure that you're only following people who when you scroll, it's either motivating you, teaching you, you know, those types of things. So it keeps you out of the noise of this false idea of I'm behind or I'm not there yet, or I'm in year two, someone's in year 20. Like it just takes out all that comparison for me, all that external noise.

Dr. Shay: 24:24

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 24:25

Hopefully that answered your question.

Dr. Shay: 24:27

It did, absolutely. And I was taking notes because I need to start doing that on my checklist right now. So if someone listening is feeling stuck or unseen in their work, what would you say to them?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 24:41

I would have to ask more questions than what I would say because that's what I love about coaching is I'm so curious about people and I'm so curious about like why this, why that. So I want to dig into really what is the why because yes, I can, offer a framework to follow. But with each of my clients, as I'm showing you a framework I followed and other clients have followed, what you realize is you're literally building your own blueprint off of the framework, right? And so people often are feeling stuck or unseen or So I'd say a few things. So one, you're not crazy and you're not behind. Like you're not crazy because of all the things we talked about. The friction that people are feeling is likely a sign that they've outgrown the space they're in, not that they're failing at it. Because I think that's the first thing is people think, am I failing? Am I doing this right? Right? Another thing is you don't need to throw it all away, but you do need to start listening again, or you do need to reassess, or you do need to slow down enough to reflect on what it is. The other thing I would say, which is you already have the clues. Your life is literally the puzzle. I'm helping ask questions to help you decode it, but you have it. we just need to decode it. We just need to synthesize it. We just need to make it tangible or we need to bring it up to the surface. You know what I mean? Like you already have it. So, I mean, a lot of women I work with are women of faith. And so it's like, you don't have to look externally for what you're looking for. If you believe in God as God, he already gave it to you. You already got it. You need to dig into that instead of looking for something that's outside yourself, right? Because when we feel stuck, again, it's like the question is, why do you feel stuck? A lot of it is I'm comparing myself or I feel like I'm behind on a plan that I put in my mind 20 years ago. Like when I was a teenager, I said I wanted to be this or somebody told me to be this. That's why you feel behind. So just taking a moment to really think about that and look at where you may be misaligned versus feeling behind. Good news is that your brain is literally behind built for change. With the right reflection, with the right intentional shifts, you can rewire the way that you work, the way you lead, and the way you live, the way you think, the way you believe. You can literally create, I think it's neuroplasticity. Our brains can grow. Our brains can change. And so to get people unstuck, a lot of times I start with one simple question. What do I need to do to feel proud of how I'm showing up? Like proud of yourself. And that's an internal thing. And a lot of times people are telling me what they need to do is literally just keep their own word or keep their own promise. Because what we realize is a lot of the things we're looking for validation from other people, we haven't done for ourselves. We want people to celebrate us. Do you celebrate yourself daily, weekly? We want people to advocate for us. Do you advocate for yourself daily, weekly? You know, those types of things. So just look for those opportunities to say, I'm proud of myself. for showing up like this. And so you are not stuck. You're not behind. It's literally a place of reflection, a place to ask better questions.

Dr. Shay: 28:04

While you were talking, I was thinking, is there any research you come across that addresses how you approach someone from differentiating what I think I'm supposed to be and do versus what I actually want to be and do?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 28:19

I'm so interested because that is... a part of the discussion that happens a lot. People are getting degrees, people are getting jobs, and they're still feeling a level of disconnect. There's one there. Then there's this other thing of, I was on this path and now I've become something that I didn't know I would become. The process as we're going through it changes us because as we talked about becoming whatever, isn't just about that destination or just about that arrival. You are literally adapting on the go.

Dr. Shay: 28:52

You know what I mean? Unfolding in real time.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 28:53

Unfolding. Thank you. That's a beautiful way to say it. Unfolding in real time. And a lot of times we think we know why we want this thing and why we're going towards it. And it changes or our minds change. But what, I mean, what I believe in as a woman of faith is nothing is ever wasted. So- The process is the goal. So you going through that process, like without it, where would you be? Without it, what parts of you today would not be you? You know what I mean? And I think it's also reframing. Yeah, people are like, you get a PhD and now what are you doing? But it's like me getting a PhD is a title to me, but it's not who I am. You went through this rigorous process of, Yeah, yeah. Let's be honest, externally, it validates you, it validates the interviews you do, the work that you do. But it's just another piece of you, right? The PhD, I think it's no different than when I work with people, even with myself, I struggled with when I left corporate for the first time, it was like, who am I without my company's logo on my shirt? Who am I without that title? And For those two years, that's what I did. That's why I think this work came out the way it did. I had to reflect on my identity outside of the work. And so when people are doing PhDs, I also tell them, as we're going through this process together, start trying to separate your identity from your PhD. Just see it as another, like military people, it's another badge of honor on you, but it's not you. Because who are you without it? I wouldn't say it's a balance, but I think it's a constant balance. thing you have to be aware of outside of yourself my own coach challenged me maybe a month ago she's like write your bio and I wrote my bio and I wrote what I've done and different careers I've had and she's like Dina write a bio without all of the stuff like who are you who are you without all of the stuff and when I sat down to write that I was I was like it was hard I No, like it was, it was really hard. I'm bringing it up right now. Cause it was, it was hard for me to be like, yes, who am I without all of the other stuff? Even though I know it, it's like, how often are we being challenged to write about who we are without all this stuff? It's not really often. And so I'm going to, I'm just going to like, I have Dina the doer and then Dina beyond the doer. I won't read the whole thing. Maybe I'll just read the first sentence, but the doer is Dina Trucamica is a results driven project manager and career strategist known for her turning complex challenges into clear, actionable pathways. Dina, beyond the doer, Dina is a breath of clarity in a noisy world. She is a woman of presence, rooted in purpose, and anchored in rhythm. Like, it sounds totally different. It's totally different.

Dr. Shay: 32:04

That first part of your bio, we sound like the same person. Everyone's bio sounds like

Deana Chukwuemeka: 32:09

that. We all are that, right? But I even challenge you to do something like that. Like, you know... The PhD holder, Dr. Lo, the PhD holder, and Nashay, who are you? And to get to that, I think if I remember, I had to put 20 I am statements. And that's why the first one, the I am statements were really work focused. They were... results focused. They were outcome focused. They were value focused. What do I give to other people? And then when I had to write the I am statement with no rules, no virtues, but focusing on my essence, it was totally different.

Dr. Shay: 32:50

Yeah. Yeah.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 32:51

So

Dr. Shay: 32:51

there's a similar, God, I forgot where I got it from. But there was this exercise someone was telling someone to do to get to the core of who you are, like outside of your resume. And you had to, I think you had to write your eulogy and the perspective of how you want others to remember you. And that has nothing to do with titles or what you did. It's about how you make people feel.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 33:12

Nothing at all. Yeah, it's what we talked about earlier about the difference, I think we said, between passion and purpose. So yeah, you can, I mean, passion is good because it's really about you. But purpose is beyond that because it's about you and how are you to other people, right? And even in the bio, then it takes it a step further to say, yes, you may have a purpose, but what's your purpose even beyond what you do for other people? Like what's your essence, how you show up? And of course we know that impacts how people see you too, but even that would be something that would be more of a eulogy you would want versus the resume. Right. We're human, so we're taught to produce and it's not bad. It's just that we often forget that we are more than what we produce, you know?

Dr. Shay: 33:58

Yeah. Yeah. And I just, one thing I'd took this away when I think I was in, I want to say in Korea is where first time it clicked for me, but I realized just also just cultural differences. So when you talk to a lot of people from other cultures, when you introduce, like, first of all, one of the first things you ask someone in the States is like, what do you do? That's exactly. And then you say, when you respond, you say, Someone asked you what you do, but your response is, I am the thing, not I do this thing. And a lot of other cultures that I've come across, when they talk about their work, it sounds very separate from who they are. They really just say, like, I mean, some people will say, like, I'm a doctor. That makes more sense to say it that way. But, like, you would just say, I work here or I do that. Like, it's, you know. Instead of it having to be so attached with your identity. Yeah. One thing I walked away thinking like, I got to get better.

Deana Chukwuemeka: 34:47

Yeah. Or what do I do? I help people live or I help people be healthy versus I'm a doctor. Right. Like, yeah.

Dr. Shay: 34:56

Yeah. Thinking about how we, say these things. It matters because we attach so much of ourselves to it. And then again, like you said, that's when the identity crises come and we don't know how to separate the two or you lose one of the things or maybe something-

Deana Chukwuemeka: 35:08

Or it changes. Or it changes all the time. I think that's the issue is because we're changing all the time, even as we're doing something, we're already outdated to who we thought we were as we keep doing that thing. You know what I mean? And then I remember hearing something like, then you don't do a software update on yourself and you're still functioning off of your old self. Like you have to update your software. And that's where I'm really, for me, the asking the questions, the reflecting, the assessments, the writing is so you can do that software upgrade internally so that you make sure that, you know, like, are you on the right track for you? Not for other people. Like, are you on the right track for yourself and who you're becoming season by season?

Dr. Shay: 35:47

Yeah, I love that comparison, like a software update, because we know how slow our computers get when we don't do

Deana Chukwuemeka: 35:52

it. Yeah, and guess what? They force those updates on us, but we do not force updates on ourselves. We keep functioning at a default. But your phone is going to remind you every day until you update your phone.

Dr. Shay: 36:05

Yep. Yeah. Well, that's what you're here for, to remind us to update, right? Yeah. Girl, you know I could talk to you all day and night. All day, all day. But I want to thank you so much for coming on today. Can you let everyone know where to follow you and your work?

Deana Chukwuemeka: 36:20

Yes. So I'm Dina B Speaks everywhere on Instagram, DinaBSpeaks.com to learn about my coaching, the masterclasses, Instagram, Dina Chukwemeka. I'm sure you'll have that to spell it, but yes. I'm spelling for you. Yes.

Dr. Shay: 36:39

Well, thank you. So as Dina reminded us, clarity isn't just about having a plan. It's about listening to your own voice. Career transformation doesn't have to look dramatic to be powerful. Sometimes it begins with a quiet question. Is this still aligned with who I'm becoming? And if you've ever felt stuck, unseen, or like your ambition was outpacing your joy, let this be a reminder. Alignment is possible and you don't have to figure it out alone. As always, thank you for joining me today in the Resolution Room. I'm grateful you're here doing this work alongside me. If this episode spoke to you, I'd love for you to please share. And until next time, keep building in the quiet because that's what will carry you forward.